Connecting With Your Child or Teen
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How It Starts
As children and teenagers develop, they gain various experiences, and meet many individuals (Kirst-Ashman and Hull, 2019). As your children grow older, they also become more capable and begin to take on more responsibilities. This can create stress for both the child and the adult; they both must learn to adjust to their child’s increased responsibility and other needs. Additionally, people may interact with others in ways that clash (see this website for more: https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2019/02/21/how-each-myers-briggs-personality-type-likes-to-communicate/).
Kirst-Ashman, K. K. & Hull Jr., G. H. (2019). Human behavior in the macro social environment. Boston, MA: Cengage.
Ages 5-12:
Industry vs. Inferiority
Knight explains that in the fourth stage of Erikson's psychosocial theory, industry versus inferiority,
children try to become more independent and build their self-esteem by learning new and important skills (2017). To move past this stage successfully, children require encouragement, praise, and support from their primary caregiver or parent (Knight, 2017). According to Knight, if a parent can provide this, the child feels accepted, competent, and confident to pursue goals. However, if this person does not support them in these areas, the child will feel inferior; they will develop a low-esteem and have difficulty achieving goals (2017).
Knight, Z. G. (2017). A proposed model of psychodynamic psychotherapy linked to Erik Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 24(5), 1047–1058. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2066
Ages 12-18:
Identity vs. Role Confusion
During this stage, your child starts exploring new things so they can discover their identity, beliefs, values, and goals (Vogel-Scibilia, et al., 2009). During this stage, your child’s responsibilities get harder and they may have a tough time dealing with their developing bodies and lifestyle. To successfully pass this stage, your child needs extra patience, especially since their changing hormones may cloud their judgement. If individuals cannot pass this stage, they are likely to struggle with their identity, which often leads to feelings of hopelessness and unhappiness (Knight, 2017).
Vogel-Scibilia, S. E., McNulty, K. C., Baxter, B., Miller, S., Dine, M., & Frese, F. J., III. (2009). The recovery process utilizing Erikson’s stages of human development. Community Mental Health Journal, 45(6), 405–414. https://doi-org.libproxy.calbaptist.edu/10.1007/s10597-009-9189-4
01.
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Organize one sit-down meal per week with check-ins (see "Checking in" to continue).
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Use an emotion wheel when asking how school was to avoid "good" or "good" answers (see "Checking in" to continue).
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Use of care labels (see"Checking in" to continue).
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Prepare food together.
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Say to your child "I love / love you" every day.
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Acknowledge an achievement or something that you are proud of your child on a daily basis.
02.
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Play a short game (5 minutes) like Uno, Jenga, or cards before bed.
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Ask someone a question during their turn while playing a game. Have "ventilation time".
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Brainstorming activities or outings that both of you like to do, and planning to do it at least once a month.
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Building a chain of strengths / partner affirmation (see "Strengths & Positivity" below).
03.
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Use of a reward chart (see "Discipline" below).
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Create a bedtime routine.
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Use of active listening and validation of feelings (see "Checking in" below).
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Use of "I" statements and conflict resolution strategies (see "Disagreeing & Making Things Better" below).
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Identify growing emotions and use coping skills (see "Checking in" & "Dealing With Extreme Feelings" below).