Discipline

There are a lot of different ways to discipline your children, and what works for one child may not work for another child. The following website has a lot of information on why hitting doesn't work well, time-out guidelines (such as 1 minute per age), catching the child being "good," positive feedback, impulse control, and more:

BoysTown. (n.d.). Handling outbursts and avoiding emotional meltdowns. Retrieved from: https://www.boystown.org/parenting/guides/Pages/discipline.aspx

Maressa Brown recommends redirecting your child rather than saying "no." This helps avoid "no" being turned into a game by your child or being tuned out by them.

Brown, M. (2019). 10 ways to practice positive discipline for better-behaved kids. Retrieved from: https://www.workingmother.com/10-ways-to-practice-positive-discipline-for-better-behaved-kids

Jane Nelson recommends letting your child have a "positive time out." This starts with having your child go to a specific area away from what they were using when they got into trouble. It is important for them to go to this area before trying to talk to them, because most people don't listen well when they are upset. We recommend letting your child use coping tools during this time. Some people create a "coping skills toolbox." See the following website for more information on this: https://www.bcbe.org/cms/lib/AL01901374/Centricity/Domain/1760/Coping%20Skills%20Toolkit.pdf

Once the child is calm enough to talk, we recommend "time in." Helping your child fill out a behavior reflection sheet, like the one below, can be very helpful. While it's easy to get stuck on what they did that was inappropriate (hit, lie, etc.), it's important to figure out why they acted in that way. For example, did something happen at school that upset your child? It's very important to only give consequences that you and/or your partner can follow through with and that match the behavior. For example, rather than taking away the phone/tablet/video game for a month because they wouldn't go to sleep, we recommend only taking it away for a few days. When giving it back, additional restrictions can be put on it- such as through apps like Google's Family Link: https://families.google.com/familylink/

Nelsen, J. (2016). Positive discipline guidelines. Retrieved from: https://www.positivediscipline.org/resources/Documents/Handouts/PD-Guidelines-2016.pdf

Another recommendation is to make a reward chart. There are thousands of different types of reward charts online. The following website has some guidelines for reward charts: https://qwunder.com/blog/how-to-use-a-reward-chart-so-it-actually-works/

We recommend starting with something that you think will work for your child, and then changing it to fit your needs. For example, some people give points for positive behaviors such doing daily chores, eating a fruit or vegetable, or participating in family game night for an hour. Some parents may give points to their child for not having a negative behavior. For example, if your child is constantly aggressive with their siblings, they can get a point for each hour (or day, timing depends on your child) that they keep their hands to themselves. Another example would be not getting in trouble at school, or not using cuss words. To avoid additional arguing, it is helpful to agree on the reward before you start to give points.

Baker, W. (2015). Behavior reflection. ThinkingIQ LLRetrieved from: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/304626362273953693/